Outgrowing friendships...

“How we do anything is how we do everything…”

I am a firm believer that we are who we are, even across different areas of our life. Even if we display a certain behavior to one person that we don’t display to another person; this doesn’t make us only one way or only the other way, we are both of those behaviors that we display. We can never go anywhere without who we are being there too.

I shared an interesting meme on Instagram the other day (@professorraoof in case you want to know), it was related to how everyone in our lives at any given time, should always fill a divine purpose. Meaning, we shouldn’t just let people who have no real purpose hang out in our space.

Cleaning up isn’t easy. I recently moved and spent days getting rid of items I knew I would no longer need. It didn’t matter how cute the shoes were, if they hurt my feet, I’m likely never going to choose to wear them. Those types of decisions were clear cut; shoes hurt = send to Goodwill.

Some of the other items were much harder to make a decision on. I loved the item, at one point in time it served a great purpose but at this point in my life, it has become clutter. So, while I might keep the item in mind, have great reverence for it, I know that it is time for me to let it go and move forward.

When people occupy these undefined spaces, it isn’t as easy to let them go or end a friendship. After all, people are not objects. But friendships do change, they sometimes expand with our new lives and at other times they can hold us back from evolving forward. This can happen when, someone gets married, has children, move to another state, change careers, etc.

But what I notice is that holding on to relationships beyond their expiration dates can impact us negatively. The communication is forced, one person may be putting more time in than the other, resentment can happen. When truly should have been more focused on cleaning up our clutter; in our lives, minds, hearts and spirit.

This way we make room for the next relationships in our lives, those relationships that will increase us on all levels and fulfill us in a way that the old relationships no longer have the capacity to do so. A good test, if you feel you are always on end of the relationship that puts in the most work, is to simply stop working so hard and see if the other person is willing to work hard for you. Stop sending all the text messages, buying all the gifts, making all the phone calls or planning all the events and the truth will surface.

I do not imply that this is easy, but many times, it is completely and utterly necessary.

Love,

Jameelah