A Lesson on never giving up...

Since I first began my higher learning journey nearly twenty years ago, I have fallen in love with education and being educated. I love the college classroom, whether I’m teaching or being taught.

My daughters have been in college classrooms most of their lives, watching me teach or watching me learn. (With no hesitation, I will ask a professor on the first day if it’s okay to bring my daughters from time to time).

For the past fifteen years I decided that pursuing the highest collegiate degree of PhD was definitely on the table. I didn’t know how or when it would happen but I knew that I wanted to become a doctor in my chosen field of study.

In the past, I had applied once for a PhD program in computer science, again for a PhD program in Sociology and once again for a PhD program in Arts and Technology. All three times I was rejected. I began to believe that I was not doctoral material, that because I didn’t come from the right academic background, this honor was not available to me.

I decided to take a step back and earn a master’s degree in Sociology from one of the top research universities in the country, even though I already had a master’s in Information Technology. I felt that I needed to prove to these institutions that I could cut it in a traditional, high-achieving university setting. To be honest, I didn’t even know if I could cut it. All my training and education before then had been mostly technical. The door was open to me to continue at this university and earn a PhD, but it would not be in my field of choice and I didn’t want to simply walk into a degree in another field just because everyone knew me and they would say yes. I wanted the degree that I knew I could earn in the only field I had been interested in, Sociology. Anything else was a cop out for me, because I knew what I wanted deep down.

But I did cut it, I wrote those papers, took that graduate record examination and plowed through that degree in four semesters, earning a 3.82 gpa by graduation. So, this time when I applied for a PhD program in Sociology, I felt all my ducks were in a row and still I heard nothing back from the university all summer. I even began to adjust my expectations as a defense mechanism to cope with, yet another possible rejection. I spent all early summer revising my past research, writing essays and garnering letters of recommendation. And still, nothing.

When I had finally stopped checking the website and let go of the possibility of earning my PhD at this point in time, the need subsided and peace settled in. I realized that I am more than enough, with or without that degree. That I have a wealth of information and dedication to bestow upon the world as I am.

And then, you guessed it. A week later, the congratulations acceptance letter arrived. It reminded me of the importance of letting things go in order to allow them the space to arrive.

So next week I will be embarking upon my PhD journey, a goal that has been plastered across my vision board for as long as I can remember. My desire to educate the masses through academia and books is unfolding beautifully and none of it would be possible had I allowed the first 3 NO’s to determine my capability and my possibilities. I gave myself permission to keep trying and it turns out my own belief in me was and always will be enough. For this opportunity, I am grateful.

Never give up. Failure is simply the platform for success.

Love, Jameelah

www.JameelahRaoof.com/my-blog