On Living Single...

On Living Single… Society puts a lot of pressure on both men and women to not be single. It doesn’t matter what else is going on in your life, if you’re single something must be wrong with you. Even if you ended your last relationship with excellent reason, it doesn’t matter, the biggest insult is to be single. The idea is to not be single at all costs for some, some put up with someone’s cheating, disrespect, lies, noncommittal nature, laziness (my biggest pet peeve), etc. all in the name of not being single. I started not to write this blog because anytime a single woman discusses her comfort with being single she is seen as lying, bitter or fooling herself. I and most of the single women I know are neither of the these. Too much emphasis is placed on the romantic idea of a relationship but not on the whole and healthy people needed inside of one to make it worth it. Freedom is my currency. The minute I feel smothered, I want out. I love making my own decisions, blowing a few dollars here and there and not having to explain or hide (because yes I use to hide new clothes in the trunk and sneak them in the house at an opportune moment…lol), taking a fabulous vacation alone when the kids are at dad’s (I once went to Maui for 7 days alone, best memories ever, picture attached), being independent of someone else’s life plans and motivations…this is priceless to me. It sounds selfish to many but at least I know who I am. I have a wonderful one on one relationship with my daughters void of relationship distraction, I write my behind off morning, noon and night, take 12 hours in grad school (with a 3.9 average), go to yoga 5 days a week, tennis lessons once a week, volunteer at a local shelter and my daughter’s school, take them to their ballet, hip hop dance, drama and soccer practices and pretty much cook twice a day since I do most of my work from home. Someone once asked me how do I get to be a stay at home mother without having to deal with the husband? Lol It wasn’t easy, but I wouldn’t change it. I say all this to say, that there is nothing like navigating your own day from sun up to sun down. This is not a post about whether or not it’s better to be single or married but a post about seeing the beauty in where you are. Now that I’ve already done the marriage dance, fought over finances, how children would be raised, spat with in-laws (lots of that), lugged around car seats, sat in a church I wasn’t interested in every Sunday and felt the pressure of trying to be a perfect wife on a daily basis, I can finally exhale and enjoy life, enjoy raising my children (who I truly miss when they’re gone), plan vacations and handle my own money. Materially and financially I am better off than I ever was married, simply because there is no pull in another direction. I have no debt but my house (credit cards keep you a slave, if I don’t have the money, I don’t buy it), I own everything I have and that feels so good. And when I buy that Range Rover, there’s not going to be anybody over my shoulder telling me I’m wasting my money, because it’s my money to waste. No one can take me to court for half of anything because all of it has been made possible through my creator and my own blood, sweat and tears. This is especially true if you’re divorced. I don’t need a father for my children, I am financially stable alone and a relationship doesn’t validate me. So to be married again for myself, would be based on a whole new set of rules, not the traditional family rearing motivation. And I’ve seen too many late in life divorces and premature deaths to believe that it means you won’t be alone in your twilight years. And so what if you are, other single women make great traveling buddies. My life is my own. So if you’re single, don’t fret. You are in an excellent position to create whatever it is you want to create, go where you desire and be whomever makes you happy. Don’t let society’s desire to see you in a couple make you feel like less than. If you have been, stop moaning about not having a man, everything is not always as it appears to be, I should know, I pretended well and we always LOOKED good. I made sure of it. Enjoy your singlehood, because when someone does come along, believe me, you don’t want to NEED them, you want to WANT them. Then you get to enjoy more of the fun part and less of the HAVE-TOs, because the HAVE-TOs and SUPPOSED-TOs can drive you crazy. lol Have a happy weekend.

~Jam